(no subject)

[whoiwasmeant2be]

Tobias is on his usual perch. He's just come in from a hunt, so resting and digesting is the next obvious step. He's done it hundreds of times since he and Rachel moved into the rooms.

But none of those times have involved thinking about how different peanut butter tastes. Not just peanut butter, either, but human food in general. He doesn't glance at the calendar on the wall. Rachel hasn't said anything about it since he put it up, so maybe she hasn't noticed it. If she hasn't, he certainly doesn't want to draw her attention to it. That might lead to... questions.

The kind he didn't know the answer to. The kind that could get her hopes up, which would make her all the more disappointed in him if something went wrong.

So, no calendar-looking. Just sitting, adjusting his feathers every so often, and wondering if peanut butter tastes any different when you're a hawk.

Comments

[whoiwasmeant2be]

No lips means you can't smile, but the expression is audible in Tobias' tone anyway.

<I think that's all I really remember. It's been a while>. And remembering old cartoons hasn't been high on Tobias' list of priorities in... well, ever.

[theresnodoor]

"I don't remember any of the other words either," Rachel admits, still grinning. "It's definitely been a while, but we used to watch this all the time. Jordan and-"






Once, just once since he's been back, she's mentioned someone she left behind.

She'd never done it again.

[whoiwasmeant2be]

Oh.

Oh.

Tobias doesn't say anything, but he does spread his wings and make the short hop onto the back of the couch.

It occurs to him that if he were human, he could offer Rachel a hug.

But he doesn't morph. Still, he can at least be there. Be close.

Even if it doesn't do any good.

[theresnodoor]

It doesn't hurt, exactly. It doesn't pull at her heart. At her stomach, more like, at her core. People she knew, who thought they knew her.

They'd been doing well, and she hadn't even meant to... but both her sisters had still been watching cartoons when she left, even if the older of them was trying to hide it.

At the sound of that hop, Rachel pauses, face still pressed against the couch cushion. Then she rolls onto her back, reaching up a hand to stroke his wing with the back of her fingers.



She wouldn't mind a hug. If it was Tobias offering.

[whoiwasmeant2be]

He wants to. He wants her smile back. Or, failing that, he wants to see some of that tension that sings through her body to fade away.

But he doesn't morph. He's not ready. And he just knows that if he does, he'll do something wrong. Say something wrong. And make things worse.

So he stays where he is, perched on the back of the couch. But he does turn his head slightly, pressing his beak gently against that finger.

Offering what he can.

[theresnodoor]

For that, she smiles.

It's not the same. It's not a grin or a laugh. But that doesn't make it less real. If anything it's more honest than any laugh she gave a cartoon.

If he wants to be human sometimes, if he wants to hide that from her, keep it to himself... that's up to him. His body, his choice what shape to keep it in.

And he's here. He hasn't left her to go home.

It has to count for something. It does count for something.

[whoiwasmeant2be]

It's not that much. Not really. He has nothing to go back to, and the truth is that even when he isn't sure what he's doing, Rachel is home.

Being here? It's pretty much the absolute least he can do. He should do more, really.

But... he can't. Yet.

Maybe one day?

[theresnodoor]

Rachel wouldn't know what to ask for.

Except...

But no. She's done her best not to.

She won't.

But she will pinch his beak between two fingers and grin again.

[whoiwasmeant2be]

It's enough. It has to be.

For now, at least.

Maybe one day it will be different, but maybe it won't. So Tobias doesn't think about the maybe. He just pushes his beak against her fingers again.

[theresnodoor]

She knows, intimately, that it would take barely any pressure at all for him to tear her fingertip to the bone.

It's an idle thought, an amusement as she pets his throat, then drops her hands back down to fold on her stomach.

He doesn't - or the hawk doesn't - really like to be touched. Tobias tolerates it, when she tries, but she won't take advantage of that.

...anymore than she just has.

[whoiwasmeant2be]

The hawk doesn't like it, and Tobias was never a touchy-feely sort, but a little stillness is easy enough to give. Not enough, perhaps, but he can give it.

For Rachel.