whoiwasmeant2be | (no subject)

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Tobias had sat perched on the couch throughout the night. He'd dozed fitfully, but had been waiting for Rachel to come out of her room.

She didn't.

Then she'd gotten up in the morning and gone about her usual routine without speaking to him. Barely looking at him.

He, of course, had watched her like... well, like a hawk. And he'd been tense because he could tell that she hadn't gotten much sleep.

And she'd left without a word.

Which had led to Tobias spending hours just perched on the couch, unable to leave since she'd closed the door behind her. And hadn't opened the door to the balcony like she usually did. Tobias decided to wait for her to come back, but the hours stretched on and on.

The hawk grew restless. Hungry. He needed to get out and hunt. He fought that need for as long as he could, but... he couldn't do it forever. He needed to leave, and the doors were closed. That meant...

Tobias shifted human. As soon as he finished some of that need went away, some of that restlessness, but it was replaced with the... oddness of not having the hawk in his head anymore. Tobias took a deep breath and moved to open the door to the balcony.

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Rachel hadn't slept. Period.

<I DON'T KNOW!>
"You don't know?"

There was an empty perch beside her bed and the door was firmly closed.

She'd trapped the hawk inside the apartment and knew it.

Just couldn't bring herself to make it any easier on him. Like she has been since he arrived.

She managed to stay in until the alarm went off, as it always does, just a little after dawn. Got up and dressed, as she always does, to go train. Opened the door and her eyes immediately went to him - for one flickering moment before she dragged them away.

She should have opened the balcony doors for him so he could eat - but why make it easier?

"Why are you still a hawk, Tobias?"
<It's who I am.>

It's not really a trap if the prisoner is holding keys the entire time.

She comes back upstairs after her workout. Business as usual. Flushed and overwarm and tired, in need of a shower. No break in the routine.

She's not angry. She's not bitter.

Rachel doesn't know what to be after what they'd said to each other.

And she opens the front door and sees him for the first time in Milliways human, when she hadn't asked him to do it, pale hand on the balcony doors.

And she stops.

Tobias has his hand on the doorknob when the other door opens. He freezes in mid-motion, not daring to look over his shoulder.

He knows who's opened the door. He always knows.

But he can't look. Not like this. He doesn't think he wants to know what the look in her eyes will be having caught him morphed human like this.

He did it.

He morphed.

Not because she asked him to or because he wanted to.

His hand is on the balcony door and it's late in the morning, after he should have gone hunting if she'd opened the door for him.

He's human and he did it out of necessity only.

Only.

Tobias hasn't actually taken a breath since the door opened. The hawk has handled involuntary stuff like that for him for a long time, and apparently he actually can forget to breathe as a human. At least if he's distracted enough.

And he is. Trying not to make any sudden movements. Careful not to do anything to attract attention.

Like prey in the presence of a predator.

He isn't moving.

Like he was caught doing something horrible. Something he didn't want her to see.

Maybe he was. Maybe he does.

Rachel isn't moving.

Waiting to see what he'll do.

Giving him a chance to prove all her fears wrong.

He doesn't have many options. He can't just leave. He knows they need to talk, after all. And... he's not willing to just... walk away. Not from Rachel.

And for the same reason he can't just demorph, either. It would be like running away.

And he can't just stand here, hand on the door, forever, either.

So, dropping his head to look down at his feet, Tobias slowly turns around. He can't bring himself to look at Rachel. Not yet.

There should be a cliche here.

Her heart should be pounding. Her blood should be rushing. Her breath should be coming hard.

He's looking at his feet like he's ashamed to be caught and god, he is, isn't he? That's the point.

He's ashamed of this.

She doesn't know how to fix it for him.

They stand like that for... who knows how long.

But eventually Tobias looks up, somehow finding the courage to search her eyes. Looking for... he doesn't know what. Something.

Something to tell him what she's thinking.

She's thinking...

Thinking that...

Her expression is carefully blank, but there's sadness in her eyes.

"What..."

...

He doesn't answer.

Sadness. But... nothing else. No anger. No pain. No disappointment. No softness. No worry.

No forgiveness.

It's suddenly hard to breathe around the lump in his throat.

She isn't sure if saying anything is better or worse than saying nothing. If there's pain or frustration, it's toward herself, her inability to make things right.

He looks at her with gentle human eyes that have forgotten how to convey emotion. And it's no clearer to her what he's thinking than if he were a hawk still.

--no. That's wrong. She'd be able to read the hawk better.

"I'll open it."

Tobias' stomach plunges and he feels a bit nauseous.

When he speaks, his voice is even more stressed and disused-sounding than usual.

"Should," he pauses, wincing. "Should I go?"

Rachel blinks at him, not comprehending.

"Are you hungry?"

"Do... do you want me to leave?" he asked, finding the words no easier to say the second time.

Oh.

...oh.

<I DON'T KNOW!>

Now there is pain. Now there is disappointment. Now there is worry.

Rachel steps inside and closes the door behind her gently. But she can only take two hesitant steps before she has to stop and look at him again, unsure and trying not to show it. Trying to be strong, as strong as he needs her to be.

"Tobias... I want to be with you. Forever."

The softness of Tobias' voice is more than just disuse and and hesitance. It's pain he's trying to hide.

"You left once. And then after I found you again... you disappeared."

Halfway through that his eyes fall, unable to watch her face as he says the words.

The anger is there. Waiting.

It's not often that she's able to work over it. But with Tobias in front of her, looking at her like that... even with the words exactly the same as they were last night, the way they're said changes everything.

The fact that they're said, for one.

"I saved you. And I showed up here, I lost you. And this last time... I came back. I found my way back."

He nods. He still disagrees with her about her death being necessary, but the rest... it's true.

"I don't want to lose you again," he whispers.

"Good."

Soft, hesitant. Another step forward taken.

"Because I don't want to lose you."

He matches her step with one of his own. Just as hesitant.

But for just a moment something like hope flickers through his eyes.

She takes another, one step closer to him. A smile tugs at her lips, if not exactly a happy one.

"...remember that school dance? The last one, like a year ago."

Before the teacher recognized him. Before the job that followed, before he was stolen away. Before Taylor.

His lips twitched.

"Yes."

"I wasn't... I wasn't trying anything."

The time limit got close, but not that close.

"It was just... nice."

"It... was." His smile widens just a bit.

"It was... simpler."

She had to say it.

She actually had to say it, and he took the information as if it was new. Something comforting.

Like he'd believed for even a moment that...

Rachel's smile widens, too. Too wide, perhaps, but there. Real.

"You're not as much of a hawk as you think you are. It's not a bad thing."

He blinks, but doesn't step back.

"Maybe... maybe it's not."

She steps forward.

They're not that far apart anymore.

"I'm not going to ask you to change forever. Okay? You don't have to do that."

"I know," he says softly, shuffling forward, closing a bit of the distance between them.

Does he? Really?

Rachel's smile doesn't reach her eyes, but she steps forward, too.

"Just... here, in Milliways... we can..."

Hold hands. See a movie. Eat out.

Be together.

Be normal.

Tobias hesitates for a moment, then he slowly extends his hand. It's an awkward and hesitant gesture, but it is a gesture.

"I think... I might like that."

To have a second chance.

"Really?"

It changes her entire expression, that willingness on his part.

He'd had a while to think about it, after all.

"I love you, too, you know," he said softly, face flushing.

She mirrors him, color in her cheeks.

This time, her smile reaches her eyes.

"I do. I know."

Her hand in his, a hold he offered.

After a second his fingers squeeze hers. It's slight, but... it's nice.

His gaze slips upward, smiling as he studies her face. Drinks it in.

She smiles back, looking back at him. Talons and gold eyes and feathers - gone. Just a boy, a little shorter than she is. Floppy blonde hair and soft human eyes.

And a smile.

Her fingers curl around his, tentative and smiling right back. Feeling, abruptly, so very young.

Nervous.

He stands there in silent, just looking at her and smiling.

Partly because he likes the feeling it gives him in the pit of his stomach.

And partly because he doesn't really know what else to do.

She feels like... they should...

Everything should be easier without panic and fear and adrenaline surrounding them. Rachel can count the number of times they've kissed on one hand, with fingers to spare.

She can also feel her face heat with a blush at the idea as she smiles at him.

"Do you want to... go for a walk?"

Tobias' own face colors to match hers, but he nods. It's a small gesture, kept that way so that he doesn't have to look away from her.

"I'd like that."

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