whoiwasmeant2be | (no subject)

Tobias is on his usual perch. He's just come in from a hunt, so resting and digesting is the next obvious step. He's done it hundreds of times since he and Rachel moved into the rooms.

But none of those times have involved thinking about how different peanut butter tastes. Not just peanut butter, either, but human food in general. He doesn't glance at the calendar on the wall. Rachel hasn't said anything about it since he put it up, so maybe she hasn't noticed it. If she hasn't, he certainly doesn't want to draw her attention to it. That might lead to... questions.

The kind he didn't know the answer to. The kind that could get her hopes up, which would make her all the more disappointed ~~in him~~ if something went wrong.

So, no calendar-looking. Just sitting, adjusting his feathers every so often, and wondering if peanut butter tastes any different when you're a hawk.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

That's a surprise? Kind of?

<I said you didn't have to change it> Tobias points out. In case she was doing it because of his earlier words.

From:

theresnodoor

"I don't want to watch it anymore," Rachel snaps.

It's not a growl.

She made sure of that.

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

<Oh>.

Oh.

Tobias has the sneaking suspicion that he's done something wrong. Said something he shouldn't have.

He could ask her what it is. Maybe try to straighten things out. Talk through it, whatever it is.

He doesn't say anything.

From:

theresnodoor

The new program features scantily-clad women with large amounts of jewelry shouting at each other and pulling hair in high-end shops while their children watch.

Rachel changes that one with a sound of disgust.

Animal Planet - click.

History Channel - click.

History Channel in HD featuring WWII - click.

Food Network - click.

Saved by the - click.

"Shhhh! Be vewy vewy quiet! I'm huntin' WABBITS."

Rachel hesitates.

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

Tobias still doesn't say anything, but there's an odd sense that the air in the room is slightly easier to breathe.

Cartoons are safe. No drama. No stories that are about them. Who they were, who they never got to be, any of that.

In fact, cartoons were... kind of nostalgic? Maybe?

Tobias hasn't really watched them since... well... before.

Funny. Thinking about before used to involve a much more noticeable sinking feeling in his gut. When had that stopped happening?

He gives a mental snort, something close to amusement maybe, when he realizes he doesn't really care.

From:

theresnodoor

At that exact moment, Elmer Fudd-- is actually in a tuxedo, going through a wedding ceremony to a Bugs Bunny wearing white.

Rachel couldn't take that mental snort offensively if she tried, in this instance.

Especially not since it was amused.

In fact, all she really does when she 'hears' it is to blink and smile, small and pleased. They found a show they could both watch. And Tobias laughed.

Sort of.

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

Close enough!

There are one or two more snorts over the next five minutes before Tobias speaks again.

<I'd forgotten how ridiculous these were>. To be fair, he's forgotten a lot of things. Most of them fall into that broad category of 'Things Normal People Know'.

From:

theresnodoor

Rachel grins against her arm, dropping the remote to fold both beneath her head, wriggling comfortably. "Remember the one with the opera? Bugs had long gold braids and a fat horse, and Elmer had a spear."

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

<And the magic helmet>? Tobias suggests, hoping he's thinking of the right one.

He doesn't want her to lose that grin. It looks too good there. Too right. And she doesn't get to wear it enough.

From:

theresnodoor

Now Rachel laughs, bright. It's possible she set him up for that, just to hear him finish the phrase. "That would be the one, yeah."

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

No lips means you can't smile, but the expression is audible in Tobias' tone anyway.

<I think that's all I really remember. It's been a while>. And remembering old cartoons hasn't been high on Tobias' list of priorities in... well, ever.

From:

theresnodoor

"I don't remember any of the other words either," Rachel admits, still grinning. "It's definitely been a while, but we used to watch this all the time. Jordan and-"

Once, just once since he's been back, she's mentioned someone she left behind.

She'd never done it again.

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

Oh.

Oh.

Tobias doesn't say anything, but he does spread his wings and make the short hop onto the back of the couch.

It occurs to him that if he were human, he could offer Rachel a hug.

But he doesn't morph. Still, he can at least be there. Be close.

Even if it doesn't do any good.

From:

theresnodoor

It doesn't hurt, exactly. It doesn't pull at her heart. At her stomach, more like, at her core. People she knew, who thought they knew her.

They'd been doing well, and she hadn't even meant to... but both her sisters had still been watching cartoons when she left, even if the older of them was trying to hide it.

At the sound of that hop, Rachel pauses, face still pressed against the couch cushion. Then she rolls onto her back, reaching up a hand to stroke his wing with the back of her fingers.

She wouldn't mind a hug. If it was Tobias offering.

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

He wants to. He wants her smile back. Or, failing that, he wants to see some of that tension that sings through her body to fade away.

But he doesn't morph. He's not ready. And he just knows that if he does, he'll do something wrong. Say something wrong. And make things worse.

So he stays where he is, perched on the back of the couch. But he does turn his head slightly, pressing his beak gently against that finger.

Offering what he can.

From:

theresnodoor

For that, she smiles.

It's not the same. It's not a grin or a laugh. But that doesn't make it less real. If anything it's more honest than any laugh she gave a cartoon.

If he wants to be human sometimes, if he wants to hide that from her, keep it to himself... that's up to him. His body, his choice what shape to keep it in.

And he's here. He hasn't left her to go home.

It has to count for something. It does count for something.

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

It's not that much. Not really. He has nothing to go back to, and the truth is that even when he isn't sure what he's doing, Rachel is home.

Being here? It's pretty much the absolute least he can do. He should do more, really.

But... he can't. Yet.

Maybe one day?

From:

theresnodoor

Rachel wouldn't know what to ask for.

Except...

But no. She's done her best not to.

She won't.

But she will pinch his beak between two fingers and grin again.

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

It's enough. It has to be.

For now, at least.

Maybe one day it will be different, but maybe it won't. So Tobias doesn't think about the maybe. He just pushes his beak against her fingers again.

From:

theresnodoor

She knows, intimately, that it would take barely any pressure at all for him to tear her fingertip to the bone.

It's an idle thought, an amusement as she pets his throat, then drops her hands back down to fold on her stomach.

He doesn't - or the hawk doesn't - really like to be touched. Tobias tolerates it, when she tries, but she won't take advantage of that.

...anymore than she just has.

From:

whoiwasmeant2be

The hawk doesn't like it, and Tobias was never a touchy-feely sort, but a little stillness is easy enough to give. Not enough, perhaps, but he can give it.

For Rachel.